You have heard of Christmas in July? Sale after sale extolling the ideals that you needn’t wait till Christmas in December to treat yourself? Well….I am considering a new movement….New Years in August.
What is that you ask? Let me tell you. New Years resolutions – the New Year in general is a time to consider the things you would like to take stock of and change about yourself, your lifestyle, your household or your way of life. You consider how to better yourself, loose weight, change some bad habit, etc. (Never mind that a few months later you reconsider these very same things for Lent, LOL, Catholic or not…but let’s stay on focus)
As your children return to school (or begin school, pre school or you have a wee one and are considering a MOPS group) you need to take stock RIGHT NOW about the YOU you currently are. Face it, we mama’s rarely put ourselves first, or even second or third. My dear friend from Jr. High was here this weekend and she watched me flit and fee all over the place from children to animals to friends to husband and asked what about my life was just mine. Um…huh? How many of us go along, caring for and about everything under the sun from sun block and pool side snacks to back to school insanity without ever a thought for how we need our own personal minute (opr two or three) and never even consider the possibility never mind the reality that without some personal time we are lost in the shuffle. When we are lost in the shuffle, we loose track and often find ourselves upset easily, grumpy or down right irritable. Why?
Taking your own time out is NOT selfish….
It is necessary! Without it, we become the doormats we always hoped to avoid. Lost in a sea of “Mom….I want” or “Honey, could you….” or the never ending volunteer oportunity. We loose ourselves in this game. Sure, eventually we hit a wall, have some sort of “come to Jesus” meeting with our families and friends, things perk up for a bit, but we are usually back in that pit sooner rather than later. Do you know why? Because we have not established a routine or even a set list of priorities helping us be US. Defining ourselves not just as Mommy, wife, friend….we need an identity that is our own.
Resolutions begin with a wish….
When you resolve to change this or that what you are really saying is that you wish for something different. Something that is yours. Some dream or inner desire that you wish to fulfill. This is an important way of life! It is important to YOU therefor it should be important to those you love and who love you back. Taking the time to define them, seek them and fulfill them is not selfish it is self survival! There is a lot of talk about self esteem, but you know what is really the issue? It is not that some how our parents did not love us enough or that life threw too many obstacles our way – it is that we never empowered ourselves. Think about that…empowering yourself means that you do not regulate yourself to the back seat of your own life. Wow. Consider for one minute if you were not last on your list. What would that look like? What message would it send our daughters and sons that we were important too? Would they listen a little more? Wether or not that would happen, we certainly would not get so lost in the shuffle. So wish away….wish for how you would like to see yourself change in the months ahead and take active steps towards those goals.
Change starts with desire and morphs into reality!
Once you hope for, wish for and seek for a change, you may be surprised at how fast you can achieve some real results! They say that it takes three solid weeks of continuous behavior to become a habit. SO…make your wish list a habit! Want to loose some weight and feel stronger and more empowered? Make sure that you can maintain a schedule that allows for you to go to the gym or rec center or hit the trail with your puppy. Whatever you like, but make sure it is enjoyable, and you will be surprised at how quickly that can become a way of living. As you take the moment to prioritize these things, you may see some benefits from your family and friends too – they will understand that that hour you have set asside is important to you and as you make that a regular event it will become easier and easier to set it aside. Only you can make that happen though, so get to gettin’ it done, mama!
Who were you…before children?
Were you an athelete? A business woman? A teacher? A student? What about that role defines you in your opinion and is that still a part of who you are now? Would you like it to be? Often times as we become parents or spoiuses, we loose whatever it was that gave us our own “IT” factor. Time doesnt allow for us to compete anymore, or the baby cant wait for you to actually read the whole newspaper (or even watch the news) and stay up on all the current events, or the fact that your husband needs you to host a business party dinner cant make room for you to spend hours writing lesson plans and correcting papers. Whatever it was about the you that was you before, if it was something you LOVED about yourself, see if there is room for that girl to come back to you. Sure, you may not be able to work full time, or maybe you can, maybe what was your IT has changed, but look for a long minute (or three or four) to define what it is that makes you YOU and does not require outside confirmation.
Outside confirmation is that which we seek from others to tell us we are doing something well. Approval from an outside source, when you can get it, is great. But face it, we Mom’s do a lot without so much as a thank you much less outside validation….so it is important that we seek internal validation. That can come from our quiet morning cuppa to the afternoon work out to the walk in the half marathon with our friends, but it should be something we can point to, that is all ours, that we are proud of and that we can talk about. Even when that conversation is one sided. because many of our conversations are, in fact, one sided.
Take a minute today and take stock of who you are beyond Mommy, wife, friend and daughter….realize who you are to you, and thank yourself for being you. There is only one you. The you that is you is a great and needed person in your family. Celebrate you and know you – remember to consider you. Especially as the children return to school, so that you can prioritize for the you you hope to be.